Reader,

Last week I made some big decisions.

At the time, in my body, I felt calm. I felt connected with my whole self. I felt curious. These decisions came from what I call my Creative Belief (the CB is the opposite of my Core Wound - we spend the first two weeks in Daddy Issues: Somatic Reparenting for People Who Feel Stuck discovering both of these sensations and beliefs in our body).

I was so excited about these decisions. I felt expansive when I made them!

And then I promptly collapsed into freeze.
Procrastination
Bed Rotting
Phone Scrolling like it was my job

It took me a couple of days before I realized I was in a freeze state. When I finally noticed the water I was swimming in, I had the capacity to tend to my feelings and needs instead of yelling at myself to get up and DO something for goodness sake!

In all the wisdom traditions, there is some variation of this teaching: a natural cycle includes expansion and contraction.

When we inhale, we must exhale. When a flower blooms, it then dies. We are no different.

Making this decision from my Creative Belief meant that at some point along the way, I would experience my core wound - the belief held deep in my tissues that sends me into a stress response - into fight, fight, freeze, or fawn.

One of the decisions I made was to switch the Aftercare Kit email series I've been telling you about to an on demand video series, which I'm releasing later this week. And I've changed the name to Life Support Kit: Self-Connection Practices to Bring You Back to Life.

Everyone on my list will receive access to this video series - you don't have to do anything else to get it. Yay!

It will include:

• Prompts for you to identify your own flags for being in dysregulated and regulated states
• My First Response practice I use whether I'm in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn
• Practices that help you self-regulate
• Ways to receive co-regulation
• Practices to build capacity in your nervous system for big feelings

Before you get the video series, though, I want to give you sneak peak into My First Response practice that I use as soon as I notice the flags for my dysregulation. These are the exact steps I take no matter if I'm in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Step 1: Notice the Flag

In the video series, I'll give you prompts to identify your own flags - those thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that let you know you're in dysregulation. Some of my flags are binge watching tv, no motivation/inability to do anything, lots of mean self talk and "shoulding" on myself.

Step 2: Tend to the Feelings

Before doing any kind of "practice" to get yourself out of dysregulation, tend to your feelings. There's a reason you're dysregulated. Something you're thinking/believing and feeling in your body is too overwhelming for you to be with. Your nervous system is responding to this by either shutting down, blaming and shaming (yourself and others), fixing and figuring things out, or dissociating.
​
When you notice your flags, pause and ask yourself: What sensations do I feel in my body? What emotions are under this stress response? When I feel this way, what am I thinking? What am I believing?

I like to always check in with this question too: What am I scared of?

Step 3: Self-Compassion

According to Kristin Neff, the author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, there are three components to being kind to yourself: self-kindness (rather than self-judgment), common humanity (rather than isolation), mindfulness (rather than over-identification). You can watch this video here to learn more about self-compassion.​

Practically, this might sound like changing your self-talk to something like this:

(Self-kindness)​
It's okay that I feel scared right now
It's okay that I'm not feeling motivated
It's okay that I spent the whole day bed-rotting

(Common humanity)​
Lots of people feel scared
Lots of people don't feel motivated sometimes
Lots of people can't get out of bed at times
​
​(Mindfulness)
​I don't like feeling scared. I feel sad and angry too.
I'm having a really hard time right now
I need to be comforted right now. I want to know that everything is going to be okay
​
​Step 4: What do I Need?​
​
This step overlaps a little with the mindfulness part of self-compassion, which makes a natural segue. When you're practicing mindfulness, one of the questions you can ask yourself is: What do I need right now?

For the moment, separate your needs from your strategies.
​
​A need would be: I need some comforting. I need reassurance.

A strategy would be: I need my partner to comfort me. I need more money in my bank account. I need to do a better job.

Needs are universal and independent of any specific person or thing. There are many Needs Wheels or Needs Lists you can find if you google them. They're a good place to start when trying to identify your Needs. Here's one that I use a lot:

​
​

Step 5: Strategize

Finally! We've reached the problem-solving or strategy portion of this process - my favorite part 😁.
​
This is where you strategize how you can meet your need. This is where your Life Support Kit will come in really handy!
​
In your Life Support Kit, you'll already have accumulated the strategies you've used in the past to meet your needs. So you can look through your kit (with the guide you create) to see:

What has worked in the past to help me when I'm feeling scared?
What has worked in the past to meet my need for comfort or reassurance?
What has worked in the past to help me get out of bed?

It's tempting to skip ahead to Step 5. Don't do it! After decades of trying to short-cut my way into feeling better, I'm here to tell you: Doing the first four steps makes step 5 so much easier. Often, the first four steps take care of step 5 automatically!

I hope this was helpful for you! And if you know someone else that would benefit from the Life Support Kit video series, you can forward this email and the link to sign up.​

Sweet Dreams,

Julie

P.S. I have a Life Support Kit Art-Infused Creative Workshop on August 17th from 1 - 3 pm central. We'll make a deck of cards (like Tarot or Oracle cards) so you have a physical representation at your finger-tips of the information and practices introduced in the video series Life Support Kit: Self-Connection Practices to Bring You Back to Life. The workshop is $27 and you can grab your spot here.​