Reader,

Lately, I’ve been struggling to get back to the gym
​(I've been struggling with a lot, like everyone else - making getting to the gym a lot harder)
​It was a habit I had on lock for over a year.

I don’t love going to the gym — but it meets a lot of needs.
It helps me feel healthy, strong, confident.
It reminds me I can do hard things.

And that feeling? That, I do love.

But then… life happened.
You know...you're probably going through it too.
Things shifted.

And I haven’t been able to return in the way I want to.
And every time I don’t go, it gets that much harder to start again.

So even when I make a new plan to “start fresh,”
when the time comes to get dressed and get out the door…
I don’t.

I give in to “I don’t have time.”
I give in to “I’m too tired.”
I give in to “I really need to work instead.”

But today I pulled the 8 of Pentacles.
And the question that came with it was:
​What am I willing to feel in order to have the thing I want?

And that hit.

Because not going isn't really about time or motivation.
I'm not going because I'm trying to avoid my feelings.

The vulnerability of starting again.
The grief of not being where I was.
The voice that says, “You should’ve kept it together.”
The self-consciousness of being in a different body than a year ago.

So instead of making yet another plan,
instead of beating myself up or swearing I’ll go today…
I went back to my why.

The need that the gym actually meets for me.
The reason I’m willing to feel bored, uncomfortable, self-conscious.

I don’t go because I love it.
Sometimes I hate it. At best, I like it.

But I go because I want to stay strong for as long as I can.
Because I want my clothes to fit.
​

Because doing something hard with my body helps me build capacity in my nervous system to do hard things.
And that capacity doesn’t just stay at the gym.
It moves with me—
into the slow process of building relationships,
running a business with integrity,
writing a book that matters,
staying with a vision when the world feels like it’s burning.

I don’t need to love it.
I just need to remember what I’m building.

Not just for me—but for the world I want to live in.
A world that honors rest and rhythm.
A world where consistency comes from care, not control.
A world that can hold both grief and growth.

Every time I show up, even in a small way,
I’m practicing for that world.
And maybe you are too.
​
Here's to doing what matters.
​
xoxo,
​
Julie

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