Hey Reader,

Why bother Meeting and Playing with our Monsters?

The purpose of a Monster Playdate is to let your Monster be fully heard and soothed…and perhaps to even find some humor and curiosity in parts we've previously found unpalatable, shameful, or disgusting.

So often when our Monsters get activated, our Manager swoops in and shuts it all down. In this way we can end up bypassing our real experience.

You may recognize your Manager’s voice when you tell yourself things like:
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​It’s not that bad.
I should be grateful.
This is such a first world problem.
Positive vibes only.
No one wants to hear me whine.

Or your Manager may insist that you fix this part - “I should just go meditate.”

Or figure out why you’re feeling this way (obsessive journalling anyone?).

While those are all wonderful suggestions from the inner Manager, they unfortunately skip over the Monster's feelings. Those feelings are incredibly important and they don’t just go away. They get stored up in the connective tissue in our body and wait for the next opportunity to express themselves - often at very inopportune times!

Often when our Monsters go unexpressed for a while, they’ll start to come out sideways. We might take our anger out on an unsuspecting friend or family member (or ourselves). Passive aggressive behavior is usually because a Monster doesn’t feel safe to express itself.

Or we might manipulate. Or ghost people. Or become self-destructive.

Even resistance can have roots in a Monster's unexpressed and un-soothed feelings!

What are some ways your Inner Monsters tend to make themselves heard? I'd love to know - just reply to this email and spill the tea!

In the last email, I gave you some techniques for talking with your Monster. But then what happens? You let your Monster rage and that's it?

No.
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Now you soothe the beast.

Ideally you would have another person as a Witness - a trusted friend or partner (or coach or therapist) that could stand in for your Metta Self and offer you radical empathy and unreasonable approval. Especially when you're first trying out a Monster Playdate.
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We've got a Monster Playdate coming up this weekend where you can express your Monster Self and have radically approving witnesses! Saturday, April 27th from 1 - 4 pm CT. You can purchase your $50 ticket directly here.

Now that your Monster has expressed themselves, let's offer them some soothing...

Here's a list of soothing techniques you can use with your Monster. Your Monster decides which one they would like. And your Witness or your Metta Self - the part of you that knows you are perfect and worthy just as you are (even and especially your Monster) - is the one that soothes.

Reassurance - Reassurance sounds like “It makes complete sense that you feel that way.” or “I completely understand why you’d think that.” or even “that sounds like it’s super important to you.”

Empathy - Empathy sounds like “Oh wow. I can imagine that felt awful.” or “I think I might feel like that too.” or “It sounds like that was really hard for you.”

Touch - Your monster may crave a hug or a hand rubbing circles on the back. Maybe your Monster wants some cuddles, or even a warm mug of tea. If you are in a Monster Playdate with someone online instead of in person, even having the Witness describe how they could provide soothing touch will do the trick.

Simulations - Sometimes our Monsters get stuck in loops. They try to play out scenarios over and over again in the mind to feel some kind of satisfaction and often just end up spiraling. Engaging in some role-play can sometimes allow the Monster to express itself to a specific person in a way that it wished it would have been able to do in the first place.

Open-ended questions - The Monster may wish to ask the Witness an open-ended question or may ask the Witness to pose an open-ended question. The two main things to avoid in this and all other ways of witnessing the Monster is 1) getting into a discussion and 2) saying anything that resembles advice or coaching. Anything that might try to cajole the Monster back into hiding is off-limits for this container.

An important note: In these Monster Playdates, it's totally okay to lie to your Monster. You Monster may want reassurance like "I want to know that everything is going to be okay."

Now, I know that you know that no one can guarantee that everything will be okay. Because sometimes it won't. But here's the thing: Your Monster knows that too. But we can just trust that they know what they need to feel regulated again.

And that's the whole point of playing with Monsters.

I hope you've enjoyed this Meet Your Monster email series! I love Monster Playdates - so much that they're a foundational practice in Daddy Issues: Somatic Reparenting using Dreamwork and Planetary Magic - my 12 week group program.

We're in the last quarter of the beta test of this program and I'm beyond thrilled to witness the shifts in how we are caring for ourselves (reparenting)!

The next cohort starts September 3rd. Reach out if you want more info about this 12 week program - including how you can grab it at the beta test price.​
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Sweet Dreams,

Julie
The Dream Witch

P.P.S. If you missed Part 5 of this series, you can go back and read it here.​