Reader,

Lately I've been going to a Yin Yoga class...where I've been confronted with a host of my Inner Monsters!

Just yesterday, one of my Monsters bubbled up in my thoughts:

Do you hear that guy??? He's YAWNING!!. Ugh, that's so freaking annoying. Why can't he stop fidgeting and be quiet?

After class, I texted my friend Sary - one of my very favorite witnesses for my Monsters. She was properly outraged for my Monster: YAWNING??!! in a deeply relaxing meditative yoga style?! Not like...NEAR YOUR PERSONAL SPACE?

This was the exact response my Monster needed to feel soothed and seen! A few more exchanges like this, dialling up the humor and outrage was enough for the irritation to dissolve naturally - without me having to fix or force anything.

It was like an exhale...

We'll talk more about how to find and play with your Monsters in future emails! I wonder if you've noticed some inner voices like this pipe up from time to time - especially in stillness, quiet, or discomfort? Reply to this email and tell me about them!

And of course there's the Monster Playdate workshop on Saturday, April 27th at 1 pm CDT. You can read more about it and register at this link.​

Today, we're going to talk about how to quiet your conscious mind (Your Manager) so you can Meet Your Monsters.

Find Someone Who is Friendly to Monsters

It can be tough to facilitate your own healing - to be a loving witness and remember the steps to particular methods and techniques while also entering into that liminal and deeply feeling space where the healing happens. That's a lot of hats to wear at once!

That's why one of the best ways to coax your Inner Manager into letting go of control is to have a trusted friend or coach who is unreasonably approving of all your parts to facilitate the playdate. Someone that knows you don't mean what you say 100%. Someone that knows that you know that in the big scheme of things, no one is to blame and no one has done anything wrong.

When your Inner Manager can trust that person to have a sense of humor, be a loving witness, and stay curious, it doesn't have to guard against feeling judged and possibly exiled, then it can relax and let the Monster have the stage.

Offer Gratitude to your Inner Manager

Being a Manager is often a thankless job. And it's a job that your Inner Manager takes very seriously. Your Inner Manager is there to protect you.

We have eons of biological wiring designed to keep us in the tribe so that we don't die. Your Inner Manager's job is to keep you from dying - certainly physically, but also ego (identity) death. Your identity (how your present yourself to the world) is what determines whether or not you get to stay within the safety net of your community. Letting these undesirable, unpalatable, and uncomfortable parts of you out of the dark is a direct threat to your Manager's job - and your very existence.

One way to get the Inner Manager to stand down is to acknowledge their job and thank them.

This might sound like: Hey Inner Manager! You do such an amazing job keeping me safe. You're always working and looking out for danger for me and I am so grateful! You've kept me so safe! You're doing a great job.

Then follow that up with your request: I want to let my Inner Monster out for a playdate. I have a set container in which to do this and I'll let the Monster go after a few minutes. I know no one is to blame and no one has done anything wrong, but my Monster really wants to express themselves and I want to hear them. I'd like you to stand down for a bit so the Monster can be heard.

Ask the Manager what they need

Sometimes, even with gratitude and a request to step aside, the Inner Manager just can't let go and move out of the way.

When that happens, ask the Manager what they are feeling (it's usually fear) and what they need to be able to grant your request. Then do your best to meet their need.

For instance, your Manager might feel safer with a facilitator to hold the space.

Or your Manager might be telling you that the Monster you want to talk to is not the best candidate for this method of healing (see the safety tips from the last email).

Let the Manager Vent

Feeling often underappreciated, our managers are sometimes the ones that need to vent first before they'll let us have access to our Inner Monsters.

If that's the case, hold the same kind of unreasonable approval and loving witness space for your Inner Manager as you would your Monster.

You can ask them some questions to help them feel heard:

• What do you wish we/the world/your human knew?
• What do you wish were different?
• What do you believe?
• What are you protecting?
• What are you afraid would happen if you stopped doing what you are doing? (If nothing, focus on finding out beliefs)
• What terrifies you?
• What is your purpose?
• What do you need to feel safe enough?​
• What do you most deeply desire?

When you first try out the Monster Playdates, your Inner Manager may not be able to contain themselves. They may sneak their way back in during the playdate.

It can be helpful to have a witness who is very attuned to what the Inner Manager sounds like so they can gently ask your Inner Manager to step aside again.

Monster Playdates, like any skill, become a lot easier and a lot more fun the more you do them. Like riding a bike, or learning music! It can feel awkward, clumsy, and unnatural at first, but if you keep practicing, Monster Playdates become deeply rewarding experiences.

I sure can't wait to meet your Inner Monsters!

Sweet Dreams,

Julie
The Dream Witch

P.S. If you missed Part 2 of this series, you can go back and read it here.​

P.P.S. We have Monster playdates in Daddy Issues: Somatic Reparenting for Procrastinators, Perfectionists, Rebels, Misfits, and Messes - my 12 week program that uses somatic repareting and planetary magic to help you get unstuck The next cohort starts September 3rd. Reach out if you want more info about this 12 week program - including how you can grab it at the beta test price.​