Reader,

Did you locate your Manager and Metta Self yet?

Have some Monsters started to poke their heads out?

Can you remember some times in your life when you've been "possessed" by these parts?

Reply back to this email and tell me about your experience so far. I love showering people with empathy and loving kindness!

Today we're packing our Magic Backpacks with everything we need to Meet our Monsters (and play with them).

First up: Unconditional Positive Regard

Another magical friend of mine calls this "unreasonable approval" and I just love that phrase!

Before we go in to work with our parts - especially the parts that feel ashamed, enraged, unconsolable, unwanted, and/or terrified, we've got to go into the work with unreasonable approval and unconditional positive regard.

Unreasonable approval for all of our parts.
And unreasonable approval for the rest of the world and all living things.

This means that we start with the premise that nothing is wrong and no one is to blame. We are, at our core, good inside - and so is everyone else. We have good reasons for doing what we do - and so does everyone else.

Don't worry if your Manager self can't quite get there. We're going to ask Metta Self to hold onto this one for us.

Your Monster Self isn't responsible for holding this at all. In fact the whole point of a Monster container is to allow the Monster to be fully heard without having to edit or tamp down how they feel or what they want to say.

The next thing you'll need is Empathy

As I mentioned, we want to give our Monsters space to be fully expressed - so that we can soothe them. Which means you'll need to be able to give your Monsters some empathy (or find someone who is able to do that for you).

I've seen a lot of definitions for what empathy is, but haven't run across a lot of directions for how to give empathy. As I've been learning how to do this, I find empathy contains three main components:

Affirmation: I believe you. You feel this way.

Validation: It makes sense you feel this way.

Reassurance: It's okay to feel this way.

Imagine being a kid again and having big huge feelings. And instead of being met with some version of "stop feeling that way," you'd been met with "I see you're having big feelings. I believe that this is a really big deal for you. It's okay to feel this way. I'll be with you while you feel them. I love you no matter what."

How do you imagine your body might have felt in that moment? How does your body feel in this moment when you read this?

Sometimes having some empathy scripts are helpful. I think Dr. Becky Kennedy is really great at giving empathy scripts. She's a parenting coach. I find her work translates seamlessly into strategies for re-parenting ourselves. You can check out her book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be or her podcast, Good Inside with Dr. Becky Kennedy.​

Lastly, we need A Playdate

A Monster Playdate is a container for talking with your Monster (with curiosity and unreasonable approval!). This means that there's a beginning, middle, and end to the encounter.

The beginning of the playdate sets the intention. It lets all your parts know - including your Monster - that you are entering a space where you know that every single part of you is loveable. You know that the world and all beings are equally loveable. And you know that your Monster gets to say unlovable and unreasonable things in this container.

In the middle of the container, your Monster gets to vent. Your Monster gets to say whatever mean, horrible, nasty, whiny, unreasonable, irrational, arrogant, cowardly, negative, ugly things it wants to say.

And your Inner Manager and Metta Self do not get to butt in.

Your Monster determines the end of the container when they feel complete in their expression. We close the container by letting the kindest, most curious part of us offer soothing to the Monster. Your Monster will tell you what they want in order to feel soothed. We'll go into some options in a later email.

Remember, we have a Monster Playdate coming up - on Saturday, April 27th from 1 - 4 pm CDT. We can all practice this together! To read more about our Monster Playdate and to register, click here.​

Bonus

It can also help to have a sense of humor in Monster Playdates!

Some safety Tips

Not every modality is suited for every situation. In upcoming emails, we'll uncover how to find your Monsters. However, there are some parts of us that aren't yet ready for Monster Playdates. Those are the parts that have been deeply wounded by trauma. For those parts, it's best to get support from a trauma-trained coach or therapist.

Before you open your Monster Playdate, ground yourself in the present moment. Take a look around you and name what you can you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. Feel your feet on the floor. Move your whole head and neck around to see the entirety of your room and say to yourself "right now, in this moment I am here. I am safe."

Now bring some awareness to the Monster you want to play with and notice how you feel about the Monster. If you feel shame or fear that sends you into your panic zone, that's the sign that you want to save this for a trauma-trained container.

Navigating Protectors

You may find that when you go to play with your Monsters that some Protectors show up. These are slightly different Monsters that feel very invested in their job of protecting you. They're part of the Management team.

In our next email, we'll go into how to quiet those parts so you can actually let your Monster get a word in edgewise!

And that's our Magic Backpack packed! How is all these feeling in your body? What sensations do you notice as you read this? What thoughts or beliefs come up for you? Do they remind you of anything in your past?

Please reach out and tell me. I would love to know what's coming up for you.

Until next time,

Julie
The Dream Witch
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P.S. If you missed Part 1 of this series, you can go back and read it here.​